I am often asked what drew me to being a Wellbeing Coach. There is no one simple answer, but I believe my life experiences have given me a desire in wanting to help others find their inner balance, without the heartache, soul searching, repeated mistakes and having to wait until their late 40s to find the answer they are looking for!
Like some people, my life did not have a particularly easy start, there was no silver spoon, it was a hard, difficult and at times a violent and lonely childhood. I learnt to keep my head down, judge people’s moods and act accordingly. And that’s when I started to “lose” myself, my personality, my voice, but I simply had to find a way to survive. I first ran away from home at 11 years old, and that set the pattern for many years. Whenever things got tough, I ran away, including as an adult, I ran from everything that got difficult in my life, because that was my survival mode.
I married, twice, both were difficult marriages that really repeated my childhood experiences. I was drawn into physically and emotionally abusive relationships. I am not blaming my either of my ex-husbands, I am not saying what they did was right, far from it, but I accept the part I played in these relationships. I am beginning to understand now how my fears, feelings of unworthiness and uncertainty perpetuated those difficult situations. I attracted the very thing I did not want, my life was a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It took many years of soul searching, beating myself up, loneliness and finally I had one of those “ah ha” moments. I was sitting on my kitchen floor, unable to walk or talk to anyone, feeling incredibly stressed with a work situation and how I was being treated at that time, not knowing how to deal with the situation.
Then I swear, I had one of those moments, something snapped and I thought enough is enough, I am not going to allow anyone to do this to me anymore and more importantly, I am not going to let others suffer like this either, there must be a better way.
Typically, I initially thought I had to deal with this situation all alone, but something made me reach out and ask for help, and I am so glad I did.
I embarked on a journey of understanding what happened, why it happened, how could I stop it happening again but the biggest, single most important lesson I learnt on this journey was it had nothing to do with those other people. I had the ability to overcome those relentless self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviours all the time, I just did not know how. No-one had taught me that I had the key to my own personal freedom all the time.
Understanding where my experiences were really coming from created a lasting, fundamentally shift in my perspective of my life. All the logic and intellect in the world was not enough on its own, if we only ever needed logic and intellect for instance, people would not smoke. I realised the only constant in my life is me, the only thing I can ever change is me, and my perception of how I feel and see my life.
I love the quote at the beginning of this blog by Eckhart Tolle, it’s so true “Get the inside right and the outside will fall into place”. My life is now very different, not because the people, places or circumstance are different, but because I am different.