Wellbeing Coach and Meditation Leader
Life does not always turn out as we hoped but when we see the gift that exists in all that we experience, we have the choice to turn our lives around. Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.
I am often asked what was it that drew me towards wanting to work with people and the truth is there is not one simple answer. It comes down to the fact that if I can help others, without them having the heartache, or making repeated mistakes or having to wait until their late 40s to find what they are looking for, that's a role I am more than happy to do.
Like some people, my life did not have a particularly easy start, there was no silver spoon, it was a hard, difficult and at times a violent and lonely childhood. I learnt to keep my head down, judge people’s moods and act accordingly. To cope with all that was happening around me, I learnt to “lose” myself, my personality, my voice. Being quiet and unseen kept me safe, I had found my way to survive the through the bad times. I first ran away from home at 11 years old, and that set the pattern for many years. Whenever things got tough, I ran away, including as an adult, I ran from everything that became difficult in my life, because that was my survival mode.
I married, twice, both were difficult marriages, looking back I realised I was just repeating my childhood experiences. I was drawn into physically and emotionally abusive relationships. I do not blame either of my ex-husbands. Equally I do not excuse abusive behaviour. However, I can now accept the part that I played in those relationships. I now understand how my fears, feelings of unworthiness and uncertainty were attracting the very thing I did not want, my life was a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It took many years of soul searching, beating myself up and loneliness until finally I had one of those “ah ha” moments. It was whilst I was sitting on my kitchen floor, unable to walk or talk to anyone, feeling very alone, scared and stressed and not knowing how to deal with a difficult situation. Something inside me snapped and I thought enough is enough, I am not going to allow anyone to treat me like this anymore and more importantly, I am not going to let others suffer like this either, there must be a better way.
I embarked on a spiritual journey of understanding and self discovery that changed my life beyond all recognition. I found the ‘me’ that had always been there, a true self that is within all of us once we become aware. I learnt to laugh, to cry, to trust, to be free. I learnt to forgive, both others and myself. I found I could let go of the past, of the relentless self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviours. No-one had taught me that I had the key to my own personal freedom all the time. Now I love to share with others what helped me to enjoy my life once more.
I love this quote by Eckhart Tolle, it’s so true “Get the inside right and the outside will fall into place”. My life is now very different, not because the people, places or circumstance are different, but because I am different.